Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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