Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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