My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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