All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
