cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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