Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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