What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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