Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
