Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
