yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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