and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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