honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
