Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
