how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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