Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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