It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
