"it" just moved
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
