just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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