i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
