My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
