3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
