on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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