omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
