My balls are so social today.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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