Yo dont text me then not text me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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