that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
