I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
