This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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