I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
