So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
