Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
