just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
