Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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