I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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