So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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