I need help removing her.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
