Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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