he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
