Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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