She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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