I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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