OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
