Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
