i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
