Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
