I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
