i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
