Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
