well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
