I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
