Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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