we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
