Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
