I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Randomize
