I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
