she looked like the before picture.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
