Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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