new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
