meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
