It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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