like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
