she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
