If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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