Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
