So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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