My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
