Please, let me fuck your mom
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
