i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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