Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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