it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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