I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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